Good survival of lymphoma - a good time anyway

I could not believe my oncologist told me I had to get my chemo my 60 th birthday. I do not know what bothered me the most to tell the truth, chemotherapy or have 60 years. I told my oncologist that it was unfair to force, manipulation and in my usual way, is passed to the logic of the court a couple of days here and there. However, he said, "Uma, who has a good chance of overcoming this and I will not fuck with the dates."

So it was not. ISat crying at least 20 minutes railing injustice of all, when suddenly I thought: My God, I'm very affected by this. I am very upset and possibly destroying the immune system that I have. "Then I became a provocateur, and he said:" I'll have a good time anyway. "And I did. My friends huddled around me in my 60's night, a friend created a special painting me, and we had very happy. Sometimes I think that was the first timeunderstood what it was. It is a time when I was really conscious of having no choice but to find my choice when I let go.

As it turned out, my chemo nurses, two very funny and compassionate gentleman, brought me a birthday cake. They were hysterical in the clothes we chose to take chemotherapy. Since I was almost bald, wearing a ski cap that youth gang members must wear the hijackers or pants using au courant pajamas decorated with black cats, a plaid shirt wearingthat opened the door for blue cashmere socks and bright blue, which has given me a great friend who also did the laundry. A few weeks after the dress I get into trouble.

I was on my way to chemotherapy, and it was a windy day emotional for me, anger and self-pity I had to drive. I have not made a firm point in the corner before turning on the road. The next thing I hear the siren of a police officer. So stop and feel "out of the carwith raised hands. "I thought it was pretty extreme for an illegal right turn. Eager to comply, I left the car with his hands. The cutest police was there with his gun in his hand and when I saw it, he laughed. He said my car was similar to the one just held a bank and in combination with the black ski hat, while I was a suspect. We laughed and enjoyed it very much, as always, I asked if they wanted to with me to the hospital, sirens, etc.He hesitated, but he was so cute, I saw and asked if I would like to search, since it had not been long sought. But leaving things as they were, I have in the car and laugh all the way to the chemotherapy room, which tells the story of nurses and is always called a criminal for them since. I might add, to their favorite criminals.

Interestingly, I had never been in vain and thought I do not care if I lose my hair and somehow this was true, except when Imyself without him. It was not as much hair as look as pitiful. They always have a weight problem, when I looked in the mirror I said, I do not see the victim as a fat camp. And then the sadness was in

I well remember one night, 3 in the morning, look in the mirror, shaved head, bladder on the edge of the chemotherapy, chest terrible swelling, written to my spiritual master, saying, "Remember the Monaco history of Tibetimprisoned by the Chinese for 20 years and when asked what the worst thing that happened to him, said: "When my feet nailed to the floor, I almost lost my patience." And then I thought, "Fuck me, as a Jew, I think the worst part is that I'm about to lose my sense of humor." But as I wrote my master, I began to describe my oncologist brilliant and intuitive, born in India in his high voice can be asked in its wake a chapati with the same cheerfuldetachment of his voice, I tell them it was recommended that the pancreas and intestine to be eliminated by a dinner. Of course, we all know what a good mood makes mischief. Restore your good humor at the end.

Before the diagnosis is really the worst time because they do not know what to do. It is a real moment of helplessness. In my case, I thought I was throwing up on a whim at any time. I later discovered that he had nothing to do with the disease, but that was when my blood wasAll Time High, a time when he had discovered the pleasure of Ativan. But, most likely by ingestion of certain herbs, dark green Chinese herbalist high power had sworn to her boyfriend had a very strong young to survive his brain tumor. Of course, this fueled my desire to take all the objects that are very special and promotes immune system stimulants that he had never played before, but I started calling them with their siren songs. "Cancer is on me Take me. I recoveryou. "

It's time to search for that vegetable juicer that he gave his nephew hippie. And buying 25 pounds of carrots and green leafy vegetables. In his state of hysteria has to apologize for vegetables and citrus press ignored it. I can not say how many people have discovered that after cancer, start bullet gallons of carrot juice. What I usually do not know that carrots can be as sweet as you contribute to yourdiabetes or hypoglycemia, not to mention its tendency to turn your skin orange, while contributing to the suspicion that not only cancer, but hepatitis. Pre-diagnosis is also a time they do business to eat wheat grass and be kind to people who do not like.

My sister, bless her, immediately made an appointment with a consultant macrobiotics. He was a true healer, and what I mean by this that do not have a shtick that would require ready-mademe and gives me a feeling of guilt about the choice I made to take chemotherapy. Since I was a vegetarian for many years, some 30 years, has been a massage therapist and holistic practitioner, which took a holistic way of life and chemotherapy course initially considered to be my worst choice. But surprisingly, especially for me, when I heard my diagnosis, I immediately went to my oncologist and said, "When can you start chemotherapy," Knowing my background (which had given a lot of massages) I was as surprised as Iwas classified as stage and instinctively felt that chemotherapy was my best chance of survival. I do not want to be disappointed when he was drinking and taking wheat grass enemas that the cancer was progressing. This was obviously a very personal choice. My uncle macro agrees with me and said very simply: "You know, Uma, if you live in the sea or the mountains, you might have a chance to heal itself naturally, but I think you and me the decision to takeChemotherapy is a test. "Thank you, Linus, for his wisdom, because I'm still here and kicking.

I also remembered two friends holistic style, herbalist and the other to an acupuncturist who has literally kept his head in the sand during the early stages and as advanced cancer, acupuncture has belatedly started chemo. My friend the other, herbal medicine, has tried to cure her breast cancer a little pasta with red Georgia. known for the removal of tumors in animals, and absolutely refusing to see a doctor. I remember being called the last days of his life looking for some type of pain medication and I asked to see a doctor.

As can be seen maintaining a sense of humor is an absolute necessity, especially towards the beginning of your journey. I resisted some comments hysterically funny and sometimes very annoying. In an effort to survive everything, I created my list of ten people say stupid things when they have a diagnosis of> Cancer. Here they are:

1. Sorry, Uma, who has lymphoma. My boyfriend is dead last year.
2. You have the good or the bad kind?
3. Uma, I want to try these treatments. They were very effective in this woman who died last year.
4. Do not worry, my dog ​​had lymphoma and after three treatments of chemotherapy, which is bouncing right.
5. What should be the karma of having this?
6. I think it's brave to do chemotherapy. I was going to diebefore me.
7. Once I had a lump in my breast, but do not really want it, so it was.
8. I would like to sell some vitamins. We could both make a profit.
9 I have this piece in the head. Lumphoma think it would be?
10. They say that people are very angry cancer. Do you think that is true in your case?

You know, when some of his old antagonists are afraid they will die because they have begun to sniff around,wondered if the time had come to apologize now or by waiting until it is in his deathbed. I do not believe in forgiveness on his deathbed. I know that sounds wonderful, but I wonder if that's true forgiveness while still suffering the pain of his childhood. I know everyone is excited with an open heart to express my skepticism, but I think this is a brief meeting in adulthood and are still suffering the results of this belovedchildhood. I heard that true forgiveness comes when you feel you are no longer victims and healthy from the inside. It's not like someone says, "Dad is dying. Time to forgive," I do not think that forgiveness is automatically

It is hard to find at this time to sulk. A woman who was hard to figure out where I was sick came to me and said, "I hear you have cancer." And when I looked at his face, saw the fight was totable. I have not had the time nor the strength to remain patient with her and did not. Strangely, when I recovered, which picked up where we left off, but this time I made a serious attempt and success to let go of my anger with her because, as Carly Simon sang: "I have not had time to pain."

There are other advantages of having a potentially terminal.

1.People size is very slow: no need to be so "in" all the time. When you are on chemotherapy,who have a diagnosis of "chemo brain" wonderful "when your brain is not firing on all cylinders and there are many falls between the statement and thought. When things get boring, or someone is talking too much , just look blank and murmur "chemo brain" and all is forgiven.

2.People are more willing to offer assistance to women baldness, especially if you wear a scarf. This statement is true and clear your physical health. Do not be afraidto go without her scarf. We're giving people the opportunity to do something good, it's good karma for them. It is almost as close to the feeling of a monarch, or at least a movie star.

3.Se you are like me, who never had the actual working time, you get to sit and watch law and order without feeling guilty, because the only thing we expect from you is to survive. Nobody gives him a hard time, because their only job is now to fight for his life and survive.

4.Yougiven an automatic, while cancer invisible role. This entitles you to discounts on the sale if the sale is much more. I have experienced when people notice my bald head, give me the sale price even if the sale was over.

5.You go to the head of the line in most of the lines with people who smile at you.

6. People eat a lot. I was convinced that he had said: "This is a good time to take off because Uma probably will not eat much." What I did not know was that my tastes have changed and uplevel considerably. I just want to eat at nice restaurants. I had begun to treat me better and take better care of myself, even bought new clothes. He had suddenly become very important for me to look good. I did not want people to say. "Uma poor, who did not look good" I wanted to be flattered. I saw one of my survival tools that people looked at me happy rather than compassion, remembering a friend who hadCancer> 25 years and the people made happy, because he always managed to look beautiful.
Finally, if I were to say what was really a great benefit to cancer, I would say that gave me the opportunity to get more real, to drop a social mask that we all carry. There was no need to put a face to what was happening. If someone asked about my health when I felt bad, I say, and when I felt good, I told the truth. Then I said that because he responded to the question of naturalness andself-pity, people were more comfortable and natural around me. Nobody wants to be close to self-pity, even if it is deserved.

When a close friend of mine learned of my diagnosis, I immediately saw how to get cheerleaders. He said, "Uma, you can write a book, you will use this to maximum and you become famous, etc," looked at me strangely and said. "Lily, I do not know if I will survive" We sat there, looking at the each other. I could not put a face to whatwas happening, I could not pretend that I was not looking at impending death. I just came to me and I remember that place of fear, a sense of relief.

As a therapist, I have chosen to work with people who had cancer, because it seemed the most authentic cancer tissues. Off a mask and if you survive, hopefully, maintain the very authenticity of his life. This is a great gift - that without a mask. Most of us do not know that we also have to use those, it becomesso eager to please our family or our friends in subtle and not so subtle. But when you have a serious illness, it's time to do everything possible to preserve life. I did not know that life is meant for me and when I was afraid of dying. And as my mask is worn, I felt that my true self begins to emerge. There was a richness and fullness that I am forever grateful.

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